Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

And somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.

Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Read on for 25 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Last night my wife asked me to grab her keys out of her purse, but instead I found 3 Tupperware lids, 2 socks & a third kid we didn't know we had

what my husband says he loves doing: watching baseball what he actually loves doing: leaving all the cabinet doors open

DATING: i can’t believe we have so much in common MARRIAGE: please don’t watch your stuff under my netflix profile

My husband just recorded his voice saying, "Wake up right now or you'll be late for school!" and is playing it on a loop for the kids, and this gentle reader, is why I married him.

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.

My wife and I are at the point where I text "Hey" and she'll text back "It's on the dining room table."

My husband acts like separate blankets is a gateway to separate houses as if sharing a blanket doesn’t have me weighing my options

Marriage year 8,817,616: We judge and talk about commercials now.

I used my husband’s dandruff shampoo and I already notice a significant decrease in the amount of words I use when replying to text messages.

Marriage vows should be rewritten as “to have and to hold and to divide and conquer the unappealing leftovers in the fridge till death do us part.”

i thought i liked being married but turns out i just like yelling at somebody every week to take out the trash

I went to bed while my husband was in the bathroom and he called me while he pooped just so he could talk to me. I guess this is our marriage now.

Make sure you know if your partner parks at the entrance or exit doors to Home Depot, if you’re not compatible the relationship won’t last

When I get mad at my wife I wait till she's wearing a dress, put on my favorite cargo shorts and then complain that I can't find my wallet because I have too many pockets

My wife put parental controls on Netflix because I watched one of our shows without her.

Wife and I got a sitter for our date night. Might get a little crazy after dinner and hit up the good Target on the other side of town.

I always witness my wife throw away the end slices of a loaf of bread like some kind of psychopath.

My husband really only likes to grill for the sport of it. He is rarely gonna make a side. He smoked a whole chicken last night. I thought he was "making dinner", Nope. He was just gonna have us eating chicken and nothing else.

My poor husband. It must be bloody awful to have a condition that apparently stops him from being able to shut a cupboard door after he’s opened it.

My marriage never becomes more tense than when we order pizza together.

I hung a world map on the wall, gave my wife a dart & said, throw this & wherever it lands, I’m taking you there on vacation. Turns out we’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.

I know it’s not a competition since all of our husbands spend a lot of time in the bathroom BUT, mine did miss the birth of his second child because of it, so do I win?

Me: Why are you looking at me like that? Husband: I’m just looking at you. A Love Story

We are staying at a bed-and-breakfast in the middle of nowhere Massachusetts right now. All of the other guests are wine-drinking retirement age couples. Husband made us sit on the front porch gossiping with them about their children until midnight. These are his people.

Husband: I’m going for a jog. Do you want to come with me? Me: Aww, that’s cute. Can you get me some Doritos on your way home?